The Sadie Poop Incident of 2005


So my good friends Dave and Mara just found out they are having a new baby girl. Mazel.  As I was ranting about what an expert I am with babies this old diddy came to mind.  I figured I would revive it from the archives.



It was late on a balmy evening in October.  She had to make a decision.

What would she decide in her current state of mind?

Having slept only 2 hours in 3 days one could question her mindset.  But all she was thinking was that she needed to sleep.  God knows what she would be like, whose head she would rip off the next day if her condition remained the same.  She had to make a call, make the decision that could affect the next 6 hours.  "How", she asked herself, "Do I accomplish this?"  With what little sanity she had remaining and with little regard to the consequences she made the call – she removed the clothing exposing the ominous belly.  The belly being the only thing that would tame the beast.

He looked on watching and waiting to see what she was going to do.  When it finally happened, he considered saying something even objecting, but knowing her state of mind he thought he would rather  suffer the consequences that question her choice.

Trouble subsided quickly and the wish was granted. Her decision paid off.  6 hours of blissful, peaceful sleep; uninterrupted…

Early morning came, birds chirping in the darkness and the daily routine started again.  Some level of internal satisfaction went unspoken between them not knowing what lied ahead.  She wouldn’t know the outcome of her actions the night before until later since she disappeared into the dewy morning leaving them both behind.

He went about his morning – the typical rushed-waiting that he typically experiences at this time of day.  Anxiously straightening and fixing things up, trying to stay ahead of the curve he went from one room to  the other as quietly as he could.  In his mind he was accomplishing something, but in reality it could be debated. Minutes seemed like hours and then finally it happened.  The muted shrill emanated from the upstairs bedroom.  It hit him like a needle going through his arm.  He reacted quickly.  Like a trained soldier, he jet upstairs toward the bedroom just like he had done many mornings before. Eighteen months of this routine was ingrained in his soul.  He knew what to expect, the anticipated outcome, the possible variations…

As if it didn’t exist, he went through the door toward the screaming. Before he could say "good morning" the thing he had only subconsciously feared came to reality.

It was glorious!  It was everywhere!  One might say massive.  On her hands, her face, the sheets, the walls, the crib…  Nothing escaped her wrath.  It came so easy to her; as if it was inconsequential. He dug deep into his soul considering the previous 8 hours…What could he had done different?  Would it have been worth it?  He then came to the only conclusion that made sense.  It had proven time and time again to be effective against the child’s will.

Sadie – Poop – Everywhere

They should have left the onesie on.